Honey Chain

i’m telling you this story because m said it was too funny not to.

i’m being sued. ha ha ha. okay, no, that’s not the funny part and there’s no need to feel bad for me. i totally brought this on myself. someday, i’ll get to regail you with the stories of how i overcame my financial difficulties, which are many and varied. sadly, that day is not today. aneewho, when you are being sued the sheriff’s dept. delivers the summons.

so last week, unbeknownst to me, mr. sheriff was trying to deliver a summons to me. i don’t know how many times he tried but i’m sure it was several because thursday night i found it attached to my doorknob with a rubber band. during the week i had noticed that i always seemed to be coming out just as everybody else was going in. interesting. or maybe not. apparently, my neighbors have jumped to some pretty sinister conclusions because all i have to do is run out to my car and they all hightale it inside. i’m starting to get a little drunk on power. now i lay in wait and as soon as it looks like they’re having a good time i go out to the yard to do a little weeding.

today was the best, though. i had to mow. so, i get out in the front yard and everyone scurries inside and i’m mowing along and i get the feeling i’m being watched. i look up and there in the window is someone watching me. so, i look across the street and there are four faces in the window. i look over at the house next to mine and there is my neighbor peeking around the corner of her porch at me, like i can’t see her. i don’t know what they were watching for, was swat supposed to swoop down at any second and take me down? seriously. finally, i look at the house on the other side of my neighbors to see mr. neighbor, who has friends at the sheriff’s dept. so he should know better. it seems he has a burning need to water down his siding, but only on the front of his house where there is a good view of me mowing my lawn. you know, just in case i…i…i don’t know what they are expecting me to do.

really, are they expecting that after two years of not even a loud party from me (unless you count the raccoons), i’m gonna start dealing drugs or prostituting or carrying out hits in my front yard? maybe i’ve worked out some sort of scam in which i hypnotize people into thinking i’m mowing my lawn when in reality i’m stealing their cars?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 27th, 2007 at 9:37 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.