Honey Chain

this year i’m grateful for all the same old things…the little comforts that make me smile on good days and make me feel safe on bad ones…good friends and loving family…strangers who’ve helped me when they didn’t have to…the various customer service people who were having a trying day and still managed to muster a smile for me…coming home to home…my pets…snail mail…and you, my dear imaginary friends of the internet, i am grateful for you…

happy new year!

i got clothes!

remember when you were a kid and you dreaded opening up presents and finding clothes? i can’t believe i ever felt that way. i also got an mp3 player. yay me! my sister a made me a very special cake and we almost set off the smoke detector with the candles. it was a sweet day spent visiting with family. an excellent way to start off a new year.

this is my new favorite sweater.

now the dogs and i can be all stylish when i take them out for a walk.

i like doors. they symbolize hope and opportunity.

i often have dreams in which whatever i want is on the other side of a locked door. i have the key. i could unlock the door if only i could find my key. it’s a theme i see played out in my real life as well. which brings me to my intention for this year; order. i’m chaotic by nature. it’s probably why i’m a list maker. a list can calm me right down when i’m spiraling out of control. schedules are helpful too. if i want to do something it needs to be put on a schedule or it will not be done. well, not anytime soon. many of the problems i’ve been wrestling with the last couple of years were caused by a lack of order. others were made worse by my inability to find my way through all the chaos. pearl buck said “order is the shape upon which beauty depends”. isn’t that lovely? i want some beauty. i think the single best present i could give myself this year would be to clean up this mess and bring some order and beauty into my life. not only would it make me happier, but it would be a boost for my physical health as well.

don’t let the door hit ya on the way out

not long ago i was freakin a little about becoming another year older but the reality is i’m happy this year is over. i felt this way last year at the end of 36. it had been a rough year and i was soo ready to move on to bigger and better things. what i hadn’t realized was 36 was just tying up my arms so 37 could sucker punch me. this year i learned life is fickle and chaotic and out of my control. i got up close and personal with my weak and broken parts. i spent a good deal of time feeling cornered and desperate. i blamed myself. i blamed my parents. and then i blamed myself some more. i shook my fist at the sky. i curled up in a ball. i wrote hateful things in my journal. i watched dreams wash away. i clung to things that no longer serve me. i uncovered things i’d buried long ago. i reopened wounds i thought i was finished with. i’m sure i will never finish with them. i questioned who i am. not just the person i let show up to parties, but the person i am behind closed doors. i said “no more!” about 20 bazillion times and then i went back for more. my beliefs were suspect. i yearned for things i didn’t actually want. i felt a little more innocence slip through my fingers. i schemed. i tried to go around when i knew i had to go through. i felt how thin my skin actually is. i cried oceans of frustration. i questioned my priorities, changed them and then questioned them again. i confused myself and created doubt. i looked backward and saw the path that led me here. i wanted to blame somebody, anybody, but me. i took my lumps. i can’t say that i’ve learned my lesson(s) cuz i often think i see the light when i’m still in the dark. right now i’m feeling too raw to find the blessing in this past year. my hope is someday i can look back on 37 and know it was pivotal to my success.

i am now officially a hoosier.

today, i traded in my illinois driver’s license for one from indiana. it was fast and easy. i only missed one question; something about large trucks and mistakes drivers make around them blah blah blah, whatever. i also registered to vote. i know, it’s sad that it took me so long. there’s really no excuse. i’d show you a picture of my new lovely license but looking at that photo is like getting a paper cut on your eye. i’ll spare you the pain.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day

Their old, familiar carols play,

And wild and sweet

The words repeat

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

this is my christmas sweater. i didn’t want to be responsible for blinding anybody at christmas so it’s not a picture of the whole sweater. i got it from target about a decade ago. i think it’s awesome.

you may or may not know, but there is a special place in my heart for all things garish and over the top. christmas sweaters are high on the list.

i’m exhausted. i forgot how tiring being out and about in 35 mph winds can be. i took a nice walk around town and got blown around a bit and then the wind blew the garland off the post office and it hit me. i have little red dots on my cheek where i was impaled by evergreen needles. i do believe it was my very first holiday related injury.

HAPPY YULE